Jewels From Judy: A Valentine from Heaven
Judy Bauman
www.jewelsfromjudy.org
Revised February 12, 2008
A personal testimony from my heart to yours
It was February 12, 1997 and I had had enough. From every angle my life looked wonderful. I had a husband who not only loved me but provided me with a beautiful home and many of the desires of my heart. My two children were healthy, intelligent, polite and helpful. However, I was miserable. I didn't just have a hole in my heart; I had a vacuum. I was trying to live a good life and basically "be a good person", but it wasn't filling the emptiness in my soul. I had allowed the things of the world be my comfort, yet I was finding none.
When I was young my father, who was only 43 years old, passed away suddenly from Rheumatic heart disease. This was a terribly traumatizing event and subsequently I spent many nights crying myself to sleep in my dark and lonely room. I was brought up to go to church, so there was only One I could question concerning my horrific loss. I would repeatedly ask God, "Why my dad?" "Why me?" I felt I must have done something wrong to receive such a terrible punishment. I believed that God must not love me and had abandoned me. Then six years later my mother suffered a mastectomy after being diagnosed with breast cancer. I was very confident that she would recover with treatment. I was certain God would not do that to me again, but three years later at the age of 48 she succumbed to the disease.
Though I went to church I was not raised reading the Bible, the Word of God, and no one taught me what Jesus said about such things. He taught, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." (John 10:10) Because I did not know this truth I held onto the lie that God had killed my parents. For this reason it made no sense to go to Him for help or comfort. I was angry with God and in that anger I turned from the church and directed my affection to the world and accepted its consolation.
One example I followed was set by adults and peers in my life. This was to soothe heartache with alcohol and other vices. As a teen and into my young adult life, I spent years trying to get away from the pain and would party away the days hoping to forget my heartache. Then in 1982, after having a profound revelation as to who the Person of Jesus was and is, I accepted Him as my personal Savior. I was delivered from every vice - I had no more need of them. I spent many hours daily in study and the Holy Spirit did exactly what Jesus said He would do - He taught me the Word. He opened the eyes of my heart to understand Scripture. However, three years later, because of a spiritually shattering divorce, I fell away from the Lord. I decided it would be easier to have a private, a secret relationship with Jesus. He loved me and I loved Him, but I did not want other people to know because of the rejection I had received from both family and friends. They liked when I joined them in a drink or two and I did not want them to be uncomfortable with me. I became somewhat more sophisticated in my approach and was more of a "social drinker". Though it usually got the best of me, I continued to operate this way for a number of years. Even after I was married and we moved away, I continued on this path. Generally I started drinking while making dinner, by cooking with a glass of wine within reach. I would continue to soothe myself throughout dinner and into the night. Most evenings I had too much soothing. The Lord was convicting me, but because I did not turn away from this damaging lifestyle, I suffered continual guilt and condemnation.
On the morning of February 12th, as I was nursing a hangover, I decided I would end this destructive cycle by writing myself a note on the corkscrew. It was a very self-condemning note about how I needed to be more health conscious and if I did not use the corkscrew to open the wine bottle in the first place, I would be fine - as if the corkscrew was my problem! I looked at the calendar so I could date my scolding note. It was then that I noticed the calendar had a notation that it was the first day of Lent.
Lent is known throughout the Christian world as a time of reflection and often personal sacrifice prior to the commemoration of Jesus' death and subsequent celebration of His victorious resurrection. When I was a child I remembered adults giving up things for Lent - only to see them go back on on their commitment a few days later, so I never saw the importance of participating myself. To me it was kind of like New Year's resolutions that are full of hopeful lifestyle changes that never happen.
However, I knew I needed help to give up drinking alcohol, but deep in my heart I knew that God was the only One who could help me. He had done it in 1982 and I could only hope He would be merciful to me again. At that time I had been hearing the Lord speak to my heart, though I had been holding Him at bay; I could ignore Him no longer. I knew if I didn't answer the Holy Spirit's beckoning soon, I would end up in much worse condition.
After seeing February 12th was the beginning of Lent, I looked up to heaven and said, "God, I am going to give up alcohol for Lent." In that moment I knew this was a serious vow to God because the moment I said this to the Lord the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said, "And you will fast the last three days." I was shocked but mostly scared. It was as if someone had been standing right next to me and spoke it into my ear! I knew it was Him though because it would never occur to me to do such a thing. Understand, I had never fasted a meal let alone three whole days! I never knew anyone who had fasted nor did I know how to safely do it. This request shocked me. In my disbelief I replied, "We'll see about that!"
Ten days into my vow I remember saying out loud, "How long is Lent anyway?" It had seemed like an eternity. I really wanted to have a glass of wine; I was finished with this exercise! I learned Lent is 40 days plus Sundays. I was very unsure that I could make it that long, so I called a friend. Knowing how my faith had wandered close to extinction over the years, she asked me point blank, "Judy, do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?"
I could no longer deny Him, "Yes." I answered
She asked if I had accepted Jesus as my Savior.
"Yes"
"Well then," she continued, "Do you believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God?"
Again I gave an affirmative, "Yes."
She then asked if I had a Bible. I told her that I did not know exactly where it was and explained that all my books were buried in moving boxes in the garage. She said, "Judy, you know what you need to do. Your answer is in the Word of God, so you had better find it." With that she hung up! I could not believe it; she did not accept my excuse and she hung up!
I knew she was right so I went out to my garage, and though I made it sound to her that I had no idea where it was, I knew it was in one of five boxes of books in the garage. I even had a clear pathway to them. When I took the lid off the first box I saw my Bible sitting right on top. I had to laugh.
Taking it inside I asked myself what it was I needed and the word, "Healed" came to mind. I looked in the concordance and there was a long list of Scripture references, but one seemed to stand out to me and that was Psalm 107:20. As I read this Scripture I was amazed at what I felt the Lord spoke to me. I looked up to verse 10 and began to read my testimony!
Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. So He subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.
He sent forth His word and healed them; He rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men. Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of His works with songs of joy.
Psalm 107:10-16; 19-22 (My emphasis on verse 20)
It was such a huge relief to me. The Holy Spirit opened up revelation to this Scripture's meaning and I could see it so clearly. I understood exactly how I had gotten into the condition I was in and I understood exactly what I needed to do to escape it. I cried to the Lord! I repented of sinning against Him and being disobedient and rebelling against His Word. A great freedom and peace flooded my soul! I called my friend back and with tears of joy shared with her what the Lord had shown me and what He had done in that moment. We both rejoiced! About a week later I wrote a song to testify to God's mercy in my life. That song can be found at:
http://www.thefathersloveim.org/i_cried_to_the_lord
One day toward the end of Lent I was reading a book in a park while my children played. The author, a doctor, was saying that she could not figure out why one of her patients was so sick, so she fasted and prayed for the solution (wouldn't you LOVE to have a doctor like that!) As I read that she had "fasted" I literally jumped up off the bench where I was sitting. I thought I had missed fasting the last three days of Lent as the Lord had asked me. You see, by this point, the Lord had proved Himself so mighty in my life I would do anything for Him - even fast! I realized that I had not missed it at all as the last three days would begin the next day. God is always on time. I was a little scared but prepared myself mentally not to eat at all for the next three days. This was a powerful time for me and at the end of that fast I enjoyed a sense of love and belonging I had never known. I knew I had been adopted by God!
This was the beginning of a beautiful ongoing relationship I now enjoy with the King of kings. I asked Him to come and make a home in me. I asked Him to change me and mold me into His image. Though I had had a profound experience and accepted Jesus as my personal Savior in 1982, I had allowed worldliness, persecution, and my own fears to take me away from Him. Like the seed that was sown which quickly sprung up and withered when the heat came on it, like the seed on the thorny ground letting the world suffocate my joy, like the seed that fell on the hard ground and the birds of the air ate it, I had let Satan steal what I had been given, but no more. I knew I had victory over him and I knew I could never afford to live that way again. I know that God loves me and He will see me through every temptation. I know that Jesus, though He did nothing wrong and committed no sin, died for me and took the punishment I deserved. He went through the torture of the Cross at Calvary because of His love for me and you. It is a very personal thing if we will but just grasp it. Jesus intensely loves us to go through such a death and the Father's love is immense beyond understanding to give His Only Beloved Son to die in our place. Because of this we now have direct access to the Throne of Grace and can approach the Lord God Almighty any time! We have been given His Holy Spirit and He teaches us al things. The good news is that Jesus stands at the door of each of our hearts and knocks. It is up to us to answer. We have each been given a gift of free-will and it is completely up to us whether we accept it or reject it. God will never violate the free-will He gave us.
That moment on February 12, 1997 when I looked up and God touched me is best defined as this:
They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
The very thing that I would have thought would have disqualified me from ministry is what the Lord has used to qualify me for ministry. Experiencing the love of a father and the Father is what so many people in the world are missing; it is the revelation of this love that He has given me to share. Though I do minister to fatherless people and go to nations traumatized by great losses from disease, famine and war, the Father's love is not limited to orphans. You do not have to be an orphan to have experienced the debilitating wounds from the lack of a father's love, touch and encouragement. Our heavenly Father desires for us to experience His perfect love. He wants His love to be perfected in us. It is the power of our resurrected King, Jesus the Christ, the Son of the One and Only Living God - the Creator of all things who gives us the ability to have victory. It is my joy to share with people all over the world that God can, and He will, turn those things in life that Satan means for our destruction into something of value and worth. I can share this with confidence because I have lived and experienced it myself. I am continually reminded of what Jesus said to Peter as recorded in Luke 22:31-32:
"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."
God is so good to take what the enemy of our soul, the devil, means to harm us and use it for good. I am now given the hope that I can too turn and strengthen my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus and show them that He has a better way of healing us.
Jesus met me in my kitchen that day and swooped down and rescued me. He carried me on His wings of love and continues to this day to lift me up. Each year at this time when we celebrate Valentine's Day I think about how the Lord touched me with His love - the most wonderful Valentine's Gift from heaven. The greatest thing is to know God's love. It is a gift that anyone can accept. Knowing He was praying for me and seeing me through all the difficult times in my life gives me hope that He will continue until I go home to see Jesus face-to-face. I do look forward to that Day.
In the Father's love,
Judy Bauman
Rev 19:10b "Worship God! For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy."
1st release February 2005
© February 14, 2008
